I always feel so hated.

It always happens.
Hey! The world likes you now! You can try to be happy!

Then something comes along and ruins it.

I had everything planned for next year. What I was going to do, where I was going to go.
And now it's all ruined from one cruel twist of crooked fate.

There's no way I can achieve all that I want to, and the only reason is spawning from a single human being.

I'm hated, and there is nothing that I can do besides stand there and let myself be tarnished.

I'm Back

I stopped posting for a while. Not like anybody truly noticed. I mean, who reads this stuff anyway. But I had stopped putting things out there, that's for sure.

I did this because I thought I was done.
I got a boyfriend, I was writing again, and I seemed to fool myself into thinking that I was as happy as a normal human being.

I was lying.

Everything came rushing back this past week.
The feeling of hate. Rage. Denial. Self-loathing. There was no way for me to get rid of it either. It just sat there, warming to a boil.
I can't stand it.
I've decided that tonight I'm going to cut. Which this will be the first since a few weeks before My Chemical Romance broke up.

I'm nervous about doing it again, but.... It's for the best...

Nobody cares if I do this. Nobody will notice. Nobody will help.
They will all just stand by and watch my downhill tragedy.

I hope you're happy about this.

“My life was awful. When I was a kid, I was fat, pretty ugly and had awful hair. I used to get teased every flipping day. Slammed up against lockers, punched in the face - you name it. Hell, I had to go to prom with one of my female friends because I couldn't even get a proper date. I cant even look back at those photos because I look so bad.

I transferred schools, but the teasing just got worse. After a, lets say, “incident” I had with the school play, the bullying just got worse. But I made it through high school, only to find out that real life was pretty much the same. I just stayed in my dark room all day. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't go outside. I just stayed inside and drew. I’d draw vampires, mummies, heroes, villains Anything to help me escape all the bad in the world.

I went to art school and didn't really belong. All I could draw was comic book characters. I tried to put my only good talent to use, by drawing a cartoon and pitching it - only to have it turned down. Life to me was just pointless. I started drinking, doing drugs and just generally wasting my life drawing.

Then one day, I saw bodies falling from the sky. I witnessed people dying. And that’s when I decided to turn my life around. I called up anyone I knew who had an instrument and we formed a band. Being on tour for the first few years was bad. All we’d do is get drunk and do drugs, but I loved it. Because I was doing something I loved with people I loved.

And a few years ago I met the most perfect woman ever. It’s like we share a wave link or something. She just knows me, without even knowing me if you understand. And now, 2011. I have a beautiful baby girl, a caring wife and I get to perform for all my adoring fans every day.

I am living proof that no matter how bad life gets, it gets better. I am Gerard Way, and I survived.”

~Gerard Way



This has got to be one of the best quotes out there....


I have to say that I've been feeling a bit better lately.... I don't know if it is some random shift in the atmosphere, or if my so-called depression is going away... Every once in a while in the past week, I've felt like cutting, but it isn't as bad as it was before... So maybe it is getting better......?