I like helping people.
I really like helping people.
So when I get upset, I don't tell people.
Because then they won't come and tell me what's wrong for them.
So therefore I don't get support.
Therefore I isolate myself.
Therefore I get more upset.
Therefore I cry.
Therefore I cut.

I don't know what to do about this.
Somebody just help me.

First order of business,
I'm bi.
I don't know how many people know this because I am pretty quiet about it, and nobody really guesses, but ya, I'm bi.
I don't know how to officially say that to people though...
No idea.

Help me.

My dad has told me these things several times:

Suicide is a result of medication.

Cutting is just for attention.

It's all the government's fault.

Maybe if the teenagers were actually brave, they would find a solution.


Mostly lies.

It is the person, not the pills.
Suicide is not a result of medication. Medication is a result of suicide. You get depressed, whether it is from chemical imbalances or society. Then you cut. You don't tell anybody about it, that part is crucial. Then slowly you wind your way down this little lane and you feel almost as if you are freeing yourself, allowing yourself to live again because you have this thing that gives you just one more thread to hold on to.
Soon, that thread breaks as well.
And you are left with nothing.
You attempt suicide.
You fail.
They prescribe you some medication to either deal with severe anxiety or severe depression.
The pills make you feel as if you are incomplete.
If you could succeed, then you wouldn't need the pills.
You feel the need to gain some form of success, some accomplishment.
So you figure, Hey, I failed before. Let's try harder.
Positive outlook, right?
So you succeed in killing yourself.


I'll cut to be popular.
That's not a statement most people think to themselves before they cut.
They figure cutting is a way to cope.
Sometimes coping does mean seeking attention, but not always.
Cutting isn't just for attention. If you cut, it means that you just need something to hold on to because nothing else is worth it anymore. All of people who cut sometimes wish that people would notice the scratches and scars, just so those people would know how they feel, but that doesn't mean they do it specifically for attention.
Normally there is more than one reason why a person is cutting themselves.
Self-harm isn't popular everywhere. In fact, it is shunned in most places, if you didn't know.

Government is not the problem, reality is.
How?
How is government the problem?
Al around the world we have suicides and cutters.
All around the world, we have different forms of government.
Some people feel oppressed by the authority, so they kill themselves. Some people, feel like they have too many options in life and it's too much pressure, so they find another solution.

Suicide IS the solution.
Some people can't get this through their heads.
Suicide isn't a call for help, neither is cutting. Both are a way to cope with the world that lies around us.
Suicide happens when people feel so ultimately hopeless, so lifeless and empty, that they figure Why am I living?
That's the key. When they kill themselves, they don't feel alive. They feel so dead, as if their corpse is already in the room with them, they just have to dispose of the body.
The 'solution' doesn't involve talking to people who couldn't possibly understand, it involves breaking the one person that does.


Lies don't help. Talking and listening, even when you don't understand, helps.
Listen to the damned, because their whispers may be the last thing you hear from them.

Friends can possibly really help...

One of my especially good friends talked to her therapist about me and how I am trying to get off of cutting and stuff...

He signed a book for me and requested for me to read a certain chapter about cutting...

So far, I haven't gotten legitimate help, but I am working on it.

Hush Honey, We all know you are losing. There's nothing we can do to stop the bruising.

We can't help you tonight.

So you must keep up the Fight...

I'm thinking of continuing with these, then  adding a tune. There are so many people that say writing music helps, but all I can do is kind of play the piano... Let's hope this works!

Oh, and along with the music, I am going to try to get back into art and comics, so maybe once I am officially sketching again, I will put up some original, non-photography, art.

Sound good? Kool.

Help. Please.

You want to help? Really? 
Then just be nice.

Don't yell at me for cutting.

Don't tell me that I'm stupid.

Don't tell me it's just a phase.

Because who knows? It might be the last "phase" I go through in life.

I'm Back

I stopped posting for a while. Not like anybody truly noticed. I mean, who reads this stuff anyway. But I had stopped putting things out there, that's for sure.

I did this because I thought I was done.
I got a boyfriend, I was writing again, and I seemed to fool myself into thinking that I was as happy as a normal human being.

I was lying.

Everything came rushing back this past week.
The feeling of hate. Rage. Denial. Self-loathing. There was no way for me to get rid of it either. It just sat there, warming to a boil.
I can't stand it.
I've decided that tonight I'm going to cut. Which this will be the first since a few weeks before My Chemical Romance broke up.

I'm nervous about doing it again, but.... It's for the best...

Nobody cares if I do this. Nobody will notice. Nobody will help.
They will all just stand by and watch my downhill tragedy.

I hope you're happy about this.

When the one thing that led you to almost happiness begins starting to make you feel miserable, what do you do? Coming up here and doing other work used to make me so happy, because I could escape for a while.... but now, with the things here taunting me and calling  me unsuccessful, what is there to do?


I'm lost.
I'm scared.
I don't know how to ask for help.
I'm butchered and abused and there's no way for me to stop it.