When the one thing that led you to almost happiness begins starting to make you feel miserable, what do you do? Coming up here and doing other work used to make me so happy, because I could escape for a while.... but now, with the things here taunting me and calling  me unsuccessful, what is there to do?


I'm lost.
I'm scared.
I don't know how to ask for help.
I'm butchered and abused and there's no way for me to stop it.

I've been writing a bit more... I'm not sure as to whether it is actually helping or not... But I don't think it is. Today was an okay day though. I faked sick for two days then went back to school today and it seems that I was missed somewhat. That's a good feeling...

Sorry. I also feel a bit numb right now - trying to read out my feelings and whatnot.... but ya know, whatever.

I try not to cut. I really do. But it is days like this when I feel like I just can't go on. When I cut it shows me just an ounce of the pain I would give people if I did commit suicide. I don't wish any of that pain on them. Yet, here I am, remaining miserable.I don't know what to do. I try to figure out solutions: quit reading a certain kind of book, stop hanging out with that one person, take a day off from school, write about it more.... Nothing ever helps. Help. I'm lost in a sea of despair and there is no ship around to rescue me.